I've been seeking things like we all do. (Did you realize the fact that we're all seeking?) We're all seekers of something - typically always somethings plural. But, what are you seeking first? What are you seeking the most?
Lately, this has been hitting me hard. I feel like I've been seeking things - a tidy home, a better marriage, to be a better mama, to be more beautiful inside & out, to find the perfect wallpaper for baby girl's nursery, to find the peace amidst the crazy pain of this broken place called our world, to find the best pregnancy safe face serum for this now over 35 mama... The list could go on pretty much into infinity. But what about Jesus?
This verse is it for me right now. "But seek first His kingdom & His righteousness, & all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33 NIV. The words that feel most important to me are first & His (His referring to the Lord). Am I seeking Him first, or has His spot been jumbled somehow by the cares of this world & my own selfish sinfulness? Am I seeking His kingdom, or trying to build one of my own design? Honestly, I'm not happy with my answers, & honestly (again), it explains much of the anxiety I feel. The desire to be in control, to be safe, to have what I want when I want it, to be what the world says is best. I feel as if in this mess, I have lost my first Love (like the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2). And, well, these other "loves" just don't compare & always end in disappointment, & yet I chase them. Seek them.
Lord, forgive me. Lord, bring me back to You, my first & truest Love. You are what I want to be seeking first & most & hardest. You, & you alone, are the one to satisfy the longings of my heart. May I fall deeper in love with you each & every day. Help me, Lord, to seek You first & Your kingdom & Your righteousness. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
"You will seek Me & find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13
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