Sunday, May 13, 2018

When Mother's Day Isn't Easy...

I had a mission at church this morning {& I confess it wasn't the right one}.  My mission was to keep it together & not let a single, solitary tear fall... &, oh, how they wanted to pour out like a gushing waterfall.  There are a myriad of unique & deeply personal reasons why today might hurt.  Whatever reason that is yours that made you stop & read this far, please know that you are not unseen, but seen by your Savior.  He counts every tear drop - perhaps even the ones you hold tightly in - & He loves deep & wide & vast... even on the days when it seems to your humanity - & mine - that He doesn't.  He is forever good & forever faithful & He will wrap you up in His love if you just ask Him to.  No, it won't stop all the pain & tears, but it will give you a place to cry in safety & understanding love.  I pray His peace will carry you today & always, through joys & sorrows, until you are safely home with Him.  You are seen & loved, dear sister.  Hold on, because He is holding you.

Friday, May 11, 2018

An Unexpected Diagnosis: PCOS

I've hesitated long & hard over whether to hit the "publish" button on this one, but if it could encourage just one sister out there it would be worth it to me.  So, here goes...

It's not one of those things I've had on my radar for a long time.  Even though I have immediate family members diagnosed with it my 1st doctor had shrugged it off as a near impossibility.  I don't look like the stereotypical woman with polycystic ovarian syndrome, & yet here I am.  Remember this post?  It was in the process of number three that all this came to light, because I did have a concern & I decided to say a prayer {or lots} + be brave & take it to my {new} doctor.  My last cycle had been very irregular & I was coming up to the 60 day mark with no period in sight, only some light spotting {which spotting was never part of my "normal" until after I came off birth control}.  My doctor ordered blood work, but when I mentioned my family history she decided to go ahead & do the tests for PCOS & check for any other possible abnormalities, as well.  Of course, there were more symptoms than just one irregular cycle that made the doctor decide to go ahead with the tests {in hindsight, number 2 on my list was also a clue, because irregular & 35ish day long cycles were my norm}.  I had the ultrasound & the blood work & was scheduled to come back in a week to discuss the findings.  That week of waiting was a hard one of swinging back & forth, like a helpless pendulum, between faith & fear.  The unknown was wide & vast & full of possibilities both wonderful & devastating.  Honestly, the scene of Ellie sobbing with her head in her hands at the doctor's office in Disney's Up kept replaying in my head.  I could be told anything at that Monday appointment, but I knew no matter what - & despite what lies the enemy was at times screaming at me - that God was & is still good & for me & He has a good plan. {That word good makes me smile.}

Long story short, at that Monday morning appointment I was handed the diagnosis of PCOS, & I'm choosing to trust my Jesus.  God knows my heart's desire is to be a mom, & Dan so wants to be a dad.  We trust God also knows what's best for our hearts.  While the very misunderstood & stigma-steeped condition of PCOS is known to cause lots of fertility issues in many, so many women with this diagnosis have had sweet + healthy babies born to them {my family members included with two kiddos each}.  This I still know with all my heart, He is good & He is for me & He has good plans.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Gifts // Vol. 25

1,656. Your sacrifice, Jesus - perfect & complete & all 
because of wondrous Love
1,663. Dan's love
1,665. Your great patience with me
1,683. walking with You - & that pink-turning sky
1,687. Dee & how You work awesomely
1,702. spying the bird on its nest
1,706. paying off more debt
1,713. Dan's Dr. Seuss inspired inventive dialogue to cheer us up when we were in a bad mood
1,721. talking to Miles {the 2-year-old nephew} on the phone
1,733. my mom - my most favorite lady ever

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Currently {May 2018}

💮 Working... just when I thought subbing from here on out until school let out would be few & far between, I get asked to cover for a kindergarten class for the rest of the year.  It's just 11 days, but I know it's likely gonna wear me out!  But, I'm grateful for the work.  Thank You, Lord!

💮 Dreaming... of summer vacation!  I'd like to find some part time work, though, 'cause #debtsnowballplan.

💮 Trusting... God with all the things that are scaring me right now + trusting He has an ocean's worth of grace when I mess up on the latter.

💮 Eating... too many donuts!  Why did they have to be such a good price?!

💮 Reading... nothing.  I have been in a total reading rut since sometime in February.  I just don't feel like reading right now.

💮 Liking... all the Opalhouse for Target treasures!  Especially this one, this one, & this one.

💮 Praying... for a healthy body, spirit, & mind through Christ my strength!