Well... Guess What?

 After my "return" to this little ole' blog in late April of this year, I quickly disappeared yet again with the busyness of life & a broken laptop.  And then, well, we had a sweet surprise!  We're expecting our 2nd little one in February 2023!  Can't wait to meet this newest little Valentine!

P.S.: I also got a new laptop, so I'm going to try & be "back" once again.  We shall see.  Fingers crossed.

P.P.S.: Hoping to get a gender reveal video up soon!

Finding Out We Are Pregnant!

It's funny, I remember that morning taking my prenatal vitamin like I had for what felt like forever {doctor advised it when I told her we were wanting to start trying over a year ago}, & I thought briefly to myself, "Why am I even taking this?"  That day at school I felt off & irritable & tired & I decided to take a pregnancy test when I got home.  But, I didn't have high hopes.  I had taken one a few days before & nothing, so I was pretty much certain it was a fluke.  In fact, when you have PCOS & your period is already late 9 times out of 10, you can find yourself taking a lot of pregnancy tests.  For some in the past I had been really hopeful, but this one not so much.  In fact, I dipped the pee stick, laid it on top of its wrapper on the counter, & jumped in the shower, not even bothering to look at the thing until I got out.  I did not think I was pregnant.  Of all the countless tests I had taken since our marriage began none felt less likely to be positive than this one - but I guess deep down I had enough smidgen of hope to check & see.  What's impossible for God, right?  Imagine my surprise when I got out & gazed down at the test.  Wait... Is that a faint line?!  I honestly remember saying out loud, something to the effect of, "That's not supposed to be there!" a couple times over before kneeling, praying, thanking, laughing, crying, praising, dizzy reeling from all the emotions & the wondering is this really real?

Day I Found Out: October 8, 2019
Day I Told Dan: I think it was after midnight, so technically October 9, 2019
Day We Saw Our Baby for the 1st Time: November 6, 2019
Due Date: June 18, 2020
God is Good: ALL the time

We Are Expecting!

Can you believe it?!  This is a shock, &, first & foremost, a praise.  More deets coming soon!

When Mother's Day Isn't Easy...

I had a mission at church this morning {& I confess it wasn't the right one}.  My mission was to keep it together & not let a single, solitary tear fall... &, oh, how they wanted to pour out like a gushing waterfall.  There are a myriad of unique & deeply personal reasons why today might hurt.  Whatever reason that is yours that made you stop & read this far, please know that you are not unseen, but seen by your Savior.  He counts every tear drop - perhaps even the ones you hold tightly in - & He loves deep & wide & vast... even on the days when it seems to your humanity - & mine - that He doesn't.  He is forever good & forever faithful & He will wrap you up in His love if you just ask Him to.  No, it won't stop all the pain & tears, but it will give you a place to cry in safety & understanding love.  I pray His peace will carry you today & always, through joys & sorrows, until you are safely home with Him.  You are seen & loved, dear sister.  Hold on, because He is holding you.

An Unexpected Diagnosis: PCOS

I've hesitated long & hard over whether to hit the "publish" button on this one, but if it could encourage just one sister out there it would be worth it to me.  So, here goes...

It's not one of those things I've had on my radar for a long time.  Even though I have immediate family members diagnosed with it my 1st doctor had shrugged it off as a near impossibility.  I don't look like the stereotypical woman with polycystic ovarian syndrome, & yet here I am.  Remember this post?  It was in the process of number three that all this came to light, because I did have a concern & I decided to say a prayer {or lots} + be brave & take it to my {new} doctor.  My last cycle had been very irregular & I was coming up to the 60 day mark with no period in sight, only some light spotting {which spotting was never part of my "normal" until after I came off birth control}.  My doctor ordered blood work, but when I mentioned my family history she decided to go ahead & do the tests for PCOS & check for any other possible abnormalities, as well.  Of course, there were more symptoms than just one irregular cycle that made the doctor decide to go ahead with the tests {in hindsight, number 2 on my list was also a clue, because irregular & 35ish day long cycles were my norm}.  I had the ultrasound & the blood work & was scheduled to come back in a week to discuss the findings.  That week of waiting was a hard one of swinging back & forth, like a helpless pendulum, between faith & fear.  The unknown was wide & vast & full of possibilities both wonderful & devastating.  Honestly, the scene of Ellie sobbing with her head in her hands at the doctor's office in Disney's Up kept replaying in my head.  I could be told anything at that Monday appointment, but I knew no matter what - & despite what lies the enemy was at times screaming at me - that God was & is still good & for me & He has a good plan. {That word good makes me smile.}

Long story short, at that Monday morning appointment I was handed the diagnosis of PCOS, & I'm choosing to trust my Jesus.  God knows my heart's desire is to be a mom, & Dan so wants to be a dad.  We trust God also knows what's best for our hearts.  While the very misunderstood & stigma-steeped condition of PCOS is known to cause lots of fertility issues in many, so many women with this diagnosis have had sweet + healthy babies born to them {my family members included with two kiddos each}.  This I still know with all my heart, He is good & He is for me & He has good plans.